“This above all: to thine own self be true,” from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, taught the importance of being authentic, trusting our judgement and not just going along with what other people tell us.
“I realized I wasn’t being true to myself,” Edgar said. “I constantly needed other people’s advice before making a decision. For some reason I thought other people knew better than me. But their advice often made things worse.”
There are times, such as before making an important decision, when it is wise to seek advice from people who may have more knowledge and experience. Seeking the advice of others can also be helpful to gain other perspectives.
But if you constantly can’t make a decision without someone else’s advice, people may see you as lacking confidence in yourself. A potential partner may not be attracted to someone who depends on someone else to make decisions and then tries to avoid responsibility by blaming others if the advice turned out to be bad.
Edgar said, “When I was always asking for advice, I didn’t realize how that affected the way others, especially a potential partner, saw me. I decided to start trusting my own judgement. If I made a mistake, I could handle being responsible for my own mistake. It was better than getting angry at myself for listening to somebody else’s advice that turned out to be wrong.”
“This change transformed the way people saw me. When they saw I had confidence to make my own decisions, two things happened that I didn’t expect.”
I was surprised when people started asking me for advice
“The first was that people started asking me for my advice. They saw me as someone whose advice they valued.”
“The second was how potential partners reacted to me differently.” Edgar saw that when he had his own ideas and made his own decisions, it brought an attractive energy into a potential relationship.
People may see you as needy
Carolyn said that she hadn’t realized that when she always depended on others for advice to make a decision, some potential partners saw her as being needy.
“I always asked friends for their advice about the people I was dating. I thought they knew better than me. When I would start dating someone, I’d describe him to my friends and ask for their advice on whether I should continue seeing him.”
“When I was dating Bill and he saw that I texted my friends to ask what they thought of him, he said, ‘Am I going out with you or your friends? Why are you asking them their opinion of me when they haven’t even met me? Is that how you’ll make decisions about our relationship?’”
“At that moment I realized I wasn’t being true to myself. I had to stop being so dependent on other people’s advice. I started trusting my judgement. Bill and I are doing great.”
Making decisions is precious
Napoleon Bonaparte said, “There is nothing more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.”
Though making decisions may at times be difficult, you have to trust your judgement and make them. Start with small decisions. It will give you confidence to make bigger decisions. The more decisions you make, the more confidence you’ll have in your judgement.
What are your values? Be guided by what you believe is right and wrong. Listen to what your mind and your gut feelings tell you. Tell yourself, “I have the judgement to make good decisions.”
Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes. If you fear making a mistake, you’ll be more careful and make a better decision.
Fear of making mistakes can keep you stuck where you are. Mistakes help you learn and build your confidence.
And if your internal voice is telling you that you’re not smart enough to make a decision, tell the voice to be quiet.
Be true to yourself
Are you someone who depends on other people for advice in order to make a decision? A lot of people who do this don’t realize how this can impact the way other people—and in particular a potential partner—sees them.
Showing that you have the confidence to trust your judgment to make decisions can change the way people perceive you. Don’t be surprised if people start asking you for advice. A potential partner may be attracted by the confidence you project.
Trust your judgement and be true to yourself.
Elliott Katz’s book Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom for Men on How to Improve Your Relationship—which has been translated into 24 languages—shares insights on how men can improve their relationships by taking charge more and being an emotionally strong man that a woman loves and respects. How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is full of strategies on how a woman can get a man to do his share of taking charge. To receive a free chapter from each of these two relationship advice books, email: ElliottRKatz@aol.com If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com
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