I Can’t Ejaculate
Q: I’ve started to have sex with my girlfriend and it’s a lot of fun, but I never ejaculate or have an orgasm. I have to finish with my hand. What should I do? I should also point out that is affecting my girlfriend’s confidence.
A: I can understand why your partner may take this personally, thinking that she is not enough, or not doing enough. However, in most cases, it has nothing to do with the partner. It sounds to me like you may have gotten so used to only one way of climaxing (your own hand) and that intercourse just isn’t getting you there. This is a common problem I hear from men who may have spent years masturbating before they have had sex with another person. My best advice to you is to stop masturbating for a while, so that you get used to another form of stimulation. Don’t finish with your own hand. If need be, don’t finish at all. In time, you will retrain your penis to experience maximum pleasure from intercourse.
Erectile Dysfunction?
Q: When alone, masturbating is not an issue. I get hard and everything works just fine. But for some reason, when I’m with my girlfriend, I have a hard time getting completely hard. I feel totally comfortable with her, and we’ve done other things in bed just fine, but for some reason, I can’t get hard when I know we want to have vaginal sex. Why is this? I assume this is a mental issue, but I don’t understand how to overcome it. It’s rather embarrassing.
A: You are right, this is a mental issue, since your penis functions just fine in other situations. Sometimes we have an unconscious fear of penetration. It could be fear of getting someone pregnant, it could be fear of committing a “sin” (if this is what you were taught growing up), fear of not lasting long, not being good enough, hurting your partner, etc. You might want to talk this out with a therapist to figure out exactly what you might be anxious about. In the meantime, you can try using a cock ring. Once you get your erection during foreplay, slip this constriction ring at the base of your penis to trap the blood, thus holding the erection (just don’t keep it on longer than 20 minutes).
Semen color
Q: I’m a 20ish-year-old man, when I ejaculate, my cum is clear instead of white, it there a problem?
A: This is not indicative of a problem. Ejaculate can vary in this way depending on how long you have spent in a state of arousal prior to ejaculation and how hydrated you are.
Losing erection
Q: Hi I am a 28-year-old male and for the last six months, I’ve been battling losing my erection whether I’m by myself masturbating or with a girl. I’m in the gym five days a week and eat relatively healthy but this is taking a toll on my confidence what should I do??
A: At 28 years old, I question whether this is physical or psychological. However, the clue for me is that it happens to you with masturbation as well as with a partner. I would begin by talking to my doctor about this. The doctor may refer you to a specialist such as a urologist to see what is going on. A urologist can test to see the blood flowing into your penis. This requires a thorough investigation to get to the cause, which is beyond the scope of what I can do here with such limited information.