Shifting Focus
Q: In the past, whenever I had sex, I was really focused on my partner’s pleasure, and making them cum. To me, that’s what’s satisfying. But my current partner finds satisfaction the same way. They want to see me enjoy myself and cum. But because I’ve never really done that, I’m not even sure how to, or where to start. Any tips?
A: It’s great that you are with a partner who also cares about your pleasure! Maybe if you didn’t make the focus or the goal of sex an orgasm, you could both enjoy the journey more. Take turns caressing each other and learn how to focus on your own sensations. Use your voice (words and sounds) to indicate your pleasure to your partner and have them do the same. For some people who are used to being givers, they have a hard time receiving. It’s like a person who loves to give gifts but is uncomfortable receiving gifts. The way to look at it is that if you refuse to receive, you are denying the giver the pleasure of giving. It just may take some getting used to. Give yourself time to learn how to focus on yourself and your sensation and let your partner know that it may take a bit of time since you are not accustomed to this.
Penis Curving
Q: I have a significant curve in my penis. I have watched porn and I’ve seen dicks with curves, but mine is definitely more curved than the ones I’ve seen. My question is, what is the line between what is considered a “normal” curve and a medical issue, like Peyronie’s? Is there a measurement? Is there anything I can do about it if it’s beyond normal?
A: This is an excellent question and a common concern. A normal penis often has a gentle or even a noticeable curve (if it has always been like that, then it’s not Peyronie’s). A normal curve in a penis does not cause pain when erect, nor with sexual activity. Curvature of the penis is a problem if your penis used to be straight and you developed a curve later. This could be an indication of Peyronie’s disease, which is usually caused by scar tissue that forms in the penis, usually due to some damage done to the penis. You need to see a doctor if you have pain with erections, if you feel lumps in your penis, if sex is difficult or painful, or if you are having trouble with your erections. I can’t really answer you with a number or an angle of what is a normal curve. It’s more about how your penis functions rather than how it looks. Mild to moderate curves usually don’t interfere with sex or cause you any pain whereas severe curves that cause pain or difficulty with sex need to be looked at by a physician. Please remember that when you are comparing yourself to porn actors, you are doing yourself a disservice. Those guys are hired because they have really large/straight penises. That is not the average guy.